everyday is valentines day

Posted by Daniela Elza on Feb 16 2016

This month love is on my mind. Well, truth be told, love has been on my mind a lot in the last few years. Also the lack-of-love. Or what it is we get, or give, that we think is love. Actually, now that I think of it, the idea of love and intimacy, and what they are, has been pursuing me for a long long time.  And thank goodness, since that has kept me on my toes. Thinking. I keep asking over and over what love is. What it takes to love. What we need to overcome to love well and truly. It is a constant flux, a swirl of thoughts and emotions, this topic. There is not a lot I am certain of, but one thing I am sure is that without love we will be less. We might be even lesser than less. We might be nothing.

So in the month of love on these around-Valentines-days again I am thinking of what and who it is I love and what that means to me. How I love, and how I show my love.  I came upon this quote on love:

“There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving – by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.”
—Aldous Huxley

I like that. It means you need to pay attention to discover what needs or has to be done. There is no recipe.

What about selfish love?  Or tough love? What do these look like? How do I learn to recognize the forms they take in the world?

What about withholding of love?  How it can be used as punishment.  How much is that worth? Or under the pretext of love to judge harshly? Or putting up with stuff you should not put up with because you love deeply and faithfully, because you think if you do somehow that will make things better?
Puzzle after puzzle it is.
I do not have answers. Just lots of questions.

Of course I cannot define love. I would not dare. I would hope it is much bigger than any definition I can give it. I have known love best in being present and available (emotionally and physically). I have known love in being compassionate. I have known love in understanding. It is an open stance to the world. In such moments openings are created and I allow something magical to come through. Whether I am in the forest with trees, or I am with a loved one. I would hope love in this sense is like poetry, it will not be defined. The moment we try to define it, it will slip through the back door.
Another interesting quote that got my attention:

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”
—Yogi Bhajan

I have suspected this for a number of years now. Make sure to include yourself in those you love. Do you love yourself enough to be generous with your statements, interpretations, and actions?

When does love become unconditional? Can you imagine loving like that?

Well? What are you waiting for?

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